A little bit of both

(by Arit Okpo)

Something can be both incredibly beautiful and incredibly difficult.

Sit with that for a second.

Something can be the best thing that ever happened to you and challenging in ways that you did not expect

It’s true…and it’s Ok.

I was talking about the bathroom I used to have in a former house – about the ways I put it together – and that made me start to think about the ways my life had changed since I lived in that house. It felt like I suddenly realised how hard some aspects of the past few years had been for me.

There was a lot of stretching and I gained much knowledge and wisdom. I constantly celebrate how much I have grown and how much surer my feet are on the ground, but this time, I sat that awareness side by side with all the things that were certainties for me which are now probabilities or even falsehoods. I thought about how much my sense of self has changed and celebrated all the parts I have gained as I mourned all the parts of myself I have lost. There are ways that I used to be that I will never be again, and that does not lessen - or is not lessened by - all the ways I never used to be that I now am.

It is possible for your dream business to give you joy and fulfilment and also challenge you in ways that question if it was the right call

It is possible for losing your job to be both freeing and depressing.

It is possible for parenthood to be both a sublimely beautiful experience and an overwhelming bundle of exhaustion and anxiety.

It is possible for a relationship to be aligned with you, your dreams and desires and also challenge your sense of self and identity.

It is possible to love someone and be angry/jealous/resentful of them

It is possible for emigration to give you the quality of life you’ve always dreamed of and to isolate you in ways too deep for words.

Fill in your contradictory reality here   --------------------- and sit with the knowledge that it is very possible for something to be as much one thing as another.

Things are rarely all of one thing and none of the other; more often, they are a confusing mishmash of beautiful and difficult, things you dream of and things you dread, things that hit all your sweet spots and also make you feel awkward and incapable, things that make you grow and hurt like hell in the process.

Sit with the knowledge that life can be contradictory. Use the lens of this knowledge to look at some of the things you struggle with. Recognise that you are not ungrateful or incapable, just a human being having a very human experience. Give yourself credit for all the ways that you are dealing, give yourself kindness for all the ways that you are not. Allow that knowledge to teach you how to build strength and space to hold both (or all) the truths at the same time. Take a deep breath…and then another.

You’re OK.

VERY IMPORTANT PS - These thoughts do not apply in situations of abuse. If you are in this situation, it is not Ok. Please seek support.

Arit Okpo is the Host of CNN African Voices and TIERS Untold Facts. She is a Child of Grace, A Lover of People and an Unrepentant Lover of food. 

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