Beautiful Imperfection

(by Koli Akpet)

I love it when I'm told I can't do something. Immediately my defences go up and my zeal to achieve that very thing goes from zero to a hundred. Whether or not this is my story remains unknown, but it is a story and like all stories, it exists solely to be told.

Day One
I remember the day I decided to move to Jerusalem. I thought, surely the priests of the galaxies – the ones who sit in council and decide who becomes a star and who does not? Yeah, the very ones. I thought, surely they would take one look at me and see how expedient it is that I take my place in the sky as a light for the world.

Day Two
I took what few minas I had, a portfolio of lens flared photographs, poetry with no rhymes and songs with no sex appeal, upped and left for Jerusalem – the astronomical city of the stars.

Day Three
[Nothing]

Certainly, day four will be better. 

Day Four 

[Nothing!]

Oh, but it's been naught but a few months. Surely day five will be better.

Day Five

Aha!!! Finally, I run into one of the hallowed priests outside of the temple gates where I had recently taken to sitting daily; waiting for permission to be that which I already was, that which I was created to be. I quickly reached into my satchel, took out my life's work, running and calling after him, ‘Sir, my life's work!!’ This self-appointed priest, like me born of a woman and probably even more flawed than I am, took one look at my life's work and without so much as looking me in the eye says to me, ‘Son, return to whence you have come, Jerusalem is no place for a lad like you!‘ 

Me: What?!

Me: What??!! What????!!!! Nah, surely, someone else thinks otherwise.

Someone Else: No! 

Third Opinion: It lacks authenticity. Lacks depth. 

Fourth opinion: It is too authentic. Too deep. No one wants to hear deep lyrics. 

Fifth Opinion: It is not indigenous enough. Did you even think of the local market?

Sixth Opinion: This is too indigenous for an international market.

More Opinions: Not enough!

Even More Opinion: Too much!

Me: [Sigh]

Me: [Borderline Depressed]

Me: [Hitting Rock Bottom]

Me: BANG!!!!!!!

You see, there's this amazing thing about hitting rock bottom - down there, there's nothing more to lose, because there's nowhere further down. It's just you and your failure down there. No more expectations to live up to down there. Even your well-wishers have taken off their mourning garments and are going about their daily business.

You've already lost your reputation, your pride, your money, your friends are already light years ahead of you, most of your former classmates are married and already having their third, fourth babies. In fact, all the things you feared are upon you, so for once in your life, the only way out of where you are, is up. You see, there's a kind of dare that this kind of failure gives you. There's a kind of strength you discover when you realize that all these have happened yet, you survived. Here you are! Do remember a time when you thought that only one of the many things that have happened to you would be the death of you? Well, darling, HERE YOU ARE!!!

Soon, you will realise that no one is coming to save you and so you will eventually get up and save yourself. Soon, you will realise that no one owes you nothing, that if anyone so much as lends you a cup of water, that is kindness and kindness is a privilege – not a right. You will learn humility, you will learn gratitude, you will suffer, but you will come out of it, your suffering will teach you compassion, you will grow to become a tree, others will come to depend on you to shade them from the sun, your fruit will be food for the hungry and your leaves will be for the healing of the nations, you will not help everyone, but you will help some, everyone will not like you, everyone will not understand you, eventually you will be okay with that, you will realize that even in the chaos and madness that is you and I, there's a kind of beauty, order and reason that cannot be explained, that there has to be a higher power, that you had to have had some supernatural help, that even when you were alone, you were NEVER alone, that you had help from above. Salvation is not without, but within, and you, unknown to you, are the priest of your own galaxy. You are the one who decides. You are a complete creation. You are an intentionally here. So BE loosed. BE unleashed!