Lies I believed

(by Damola Morenikeji)

Maybe you’ve heard those lies too, and believed them.

“Women can multitask better than men. As a man, you should learn how to multitask”

“Fish stink from the head downward”

“One of the hallmarks of a responsible person is achieving work-life balance”

“Everything is equally important”

One other classic one is about the frog in boiling water. “Put a frog into a pot of hot water and it will jump out”, they said. “But if you place the frog in a warm water and slowly increase the temperature, it will boil to death”, they concluded. I first heard this from a teacher in my primary school. I’ve heard same from senior executives that I respect too. I fear that I might have told someone else once about this.

The problem wasn’t those lies. The problem wasn’t those that told them - some told them in good faith, to motivate good behavior, and to put me “in check”.

The problem was that I based important decisions on those lies. And that didn’t stop until I knew better.


If this daily message blesses you, tweet, share or forward it to your friends and loved ones. Even, those who think themselves your enemies :).

Where is my chain?

(by Avviva Oluwaseun)

"Oluwaseun, where is my chain?"

I'd hear her call out angrily. I'd say at this point, she was somehow so convinced I was the devil's spawn; some sort of never do well that was at the heart of every possible mischief at home.

What if I actually took it without knowing? Perhaps there was a part of me that arose only she could see. A demon so ferocious it took over my consiousness. I mean, she is my mother after all. Who could know me better?

"I've found it o", she later exclaimed.
"Who put it here?", she continued, this time, not waiting for a response.
"Seun you won't kill me! You don't kill me o!".

This point was the tear jerker. And i'm lucky when a “beating” doesn't follow after looking diligently for this necklace. A necklace I never "touched".

There are moments when no matter what some people do, you'll have to love, accept and forgive immediately. Those three are non-negotiable.


If this daily message blesses you, tweet, share or forward it to your friends and loved ones. Even, those who think themselves your enemies :)

Men are broken

(by Ore Fakorede)*

Many boys are raised to feel and express a narrow range of emotions: courage, anger, pride, tough stuff.

“Big boys don’t cry.”

“Be strong.”

“Boys don’t say they love other boys.”

So we grow up with a twisted sense of what manhood means and a deep-rooted lack of empathy for ourselves, never mind other people.

Most of our lives, we’re stuck in that narrow range of emotions even when nothing there can properly express what we feel.

We often use anger to show concern, we can be foolishly brave when we should run and we’re sometimes too proud to ask for help or to say we’re sorry.

Because everything that’s soft is weak, and anything that isn’t hard isn’t manly.

But eventually, we break in awful ways.

We break because flexibility is foreign to us, because we are emotionally stunted. We weren’t taught by the people who brought us here.

But blaming other people is a tired, old song.

We’re going to have to raise ourselves again, teach ourselves to be whole.

We’re human first, men second. And humans are designed to feel.

We’re supposed to feel everything.

We’re supposed to talk about those feelings too: cry when we need to, scream into the night sky if we want to, hug each other without thinking about what a hug between men means or how we’ll be seen.

(A hug. Not that thing we do where we slap each other’s backs repeatedly like it’s a contest.)

A man can be soft with other men. We can be vulnerable and not worry about appearances.

Who cares about appearances when they’re hurting? Not real people.

And men are real people, not emotionless machines that need to be fed adoration and worshipped so they can work hard and be the heroes of the modern world.

I don’t want to be anyone’s hero. I just want to be human again.

Can we exhale like humans do, fail like humans do, show pain, admit our flaws, fall short of standards that were always impossible anyway and be okay with all that?

It can’t be that hard to be a man. It shouldn’t be.

*Ore Fakorede is currently surviving Lagos. He blogs about his crazy, beautiful, ordinary life at orefakorede.com.


If this daily message blesses you, tweet, share or forward it to your friends and loved ones. Even, those who think themselves your enemies :)

Are you cynical?

Cynicism isn't just about preventing suffering, it involves a lot of pain.

What a cynic really needs is kindness.

You should see this video as it explains it.

You could be cynical without realising it.

See video


If this daily message blesses you, tweet, share or forward it to your friends and loved ones. Even, those who think themselves your enemies :).

Feedback Friday: "I won't avoid life"

Fellow traveller,

We love reading your emails, thoughts, and feedback about the TDV pieces you read. We are blessed to be part of your life, every day, in the most honourable way. We look forward to holding one another as we do life together.

We'll share two emails from this community. Keep them coming; we read every mail.


In response to: Shameful period

Haha, I can relate with this.

There are some things that are part of life; avoiding talking about it is like avoiding living life. This, is one. Like you, I won’t avoid life.

Thank you for sharing.

[Name withheld]

In response to: All is in order

I really enjoyed reading this post, because this is where I am right now and it is such a beautiful place to be. 

For me it's a mix of rest and awareness, it's a level in my spiritual walk I have just attained, or maybe I have always attained it but I am just paying attention to it.

Interestingly, not everyone around me is in this place. I have people putting themselves under undue pressure, second-guessing themselves and trying to match up to standards. And I feel like screaming STOP!, just BE, sister. That's enough, you have all you need in you, Just BE!

Oh well, I don't scream but I try to pass the message across the best way I can with love and when I can't I simply pray for them.

[Name withheld]


If this daily message blesses you, tweet, share or forward it to your friends and loved ones. Even, those who think themselves your enemies :)

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